I wrote this essay five days before my mother passed away on Christmas morning. I was with her through her final hours and the moment of her death. It was a deep experience. Thank you very much for your comment, as I wrote that I was waiting for this moment.
Sharing this post today is also to share other important news. This news was made possible by all of you. These two presentations are very indicative of the nature of life in general, and that of older people in particular, in that we are constantly faced with challenges and opportunities. How we meet them is a test of who we are and who we become.
We wish you a healthy and productive next year and look forward to hearing from you about your plans, dreams and hopes for 2022.
“If rest is another dimension, I think it is, but I think the more we go there, the more we wake up.” Tricia Hershey.
This week marks the winter solstice. Actually, today is the day before, the shortest day of the year. A period of dormancy and hibernation begins for many animals and wildlife. This is the time when the animal is in perfect harmony with the environment. They go inside it, grow more fur coats, lower their body temperature, and conserve metabolic energy. very creative. Conversely, humans go to great lengths to control their environment during winter. Turn on the heat, make a fire, wear warm clothes, and head for warmer weather.
In the last six weeks, I’ve put on weight, eaten a lot, neglected my yoga practice, and neglected the healthy routine I set for myself. I have zero motivation to take or post a picture of myself. I don’t want to participate in social media. I declined all invitations to events, preferring to stay home and focus on the work that made me feel more like myself and more comfortable. I’m a social media person who doesn’t want to be social. I have been very hard on myself about these behaviors. I don’t even allow myself time to rest just because my mother passed away.
The work I thought I’d done regarding idealized beauty standards, self-acceptance, and how to define ‘productive’ and health is waning, and it tells me that I’m not done yet. It has nothing to do with age, but I’ve had problems at all times in my life, starting in adolescence. Insights may blossom, but after a period of dormancy, these problems tend to re-emerge in new forms at different points in our lives. We must observe, feed and care for them. The deconstruction process never ends because we are constructed by the times we live in. At each stage of human life, these concerns are always the same, but different. While the sprouts pierce the ground and stand still long enough to avoid being trampled by the forward foot, they continue to appear new growth.
There are things animals do in the fall to prepare for hibernation. Bears go through periods of overeating known as binge eating. This allows them to conserve energy during hibernation by providing fat and protein stores. Burrows can be caves, trees, underwater waterfalls, or even abandoned things that bears have built themselves. Female bears give birth and raise cubs in this space during hibernation. Mating season occurs in the summer, but fertilized eggs remain in the uterus but do not attach until hibernation begins.
When we read about these fall behaviors that occur in nature, we become less judgmental about ourselves reflecting them. I always told my students that writing is very important because it helps them think. When I write about what I read and what I wear, there is usually a question or a desire to understand. Writing certainly helps you think. It also allows us to know in a much deeper way than before.
I completed something very important to me this summer. it took a long time to do. it was a struggle. It was so painful that I almost gave up. I actually stopped for a while. In June I decided to commit again, and this time what I had created was “fertilized” into reality. I kept it close by until the fall. The need to have your own space, the need to be able to lean back without the distractions of social media, the need to have enough internal resources available, let go of the past and make room for the future. It’s all about the need to leave. What I need to raise my “child”. My actions this fall make sense in this frame. I am very kind to myself from this realization. I look in the mirror, apply a clean-ingredient moisturizer, and see who I really am. I will practice yoga again so that my body will be strong and healthy without being seen by others. I share moments with new and old friends. Something that is more intimate than an “event” and allows you to experience a deeper connection. I get closer to nature so she can continue to share her secrets and adapt to her comforting rhythm. I take short walks outside the house to stretch and reposition. I find myself the same, but different.
So, I am very happy to share the following news! I am writing a book!
Your support, encouragement, and sharing your life and experiences through comments makes this site so much more than if I were just sharing mine. It gave me confidence in my abilities so I could accept my dream which was postponed.
What are you preparing for the New Year?