this is No meaning of advice. This is really just a list of things I’ve learned. Some of them wished they had learned sooner. many It’s part of the time and money of therapy trying to understand, some of it passed on to me as advice from other, much smarter people. So, in honor of my girlfriend’s 33rd birthday (this Monday), I’d like to use this space to briefly reflect on some of these lessons. Literally this isn’t groundbreaking and much of it is perfectly clear (especially in retrospect), but it may or may not help. Either way, here it is:
1. No one has figured it all out. seriously. All we can do is do our best.
2. …that goes for self-love too. Self-love is a journey. Some days are good, some days are bad. The goal is that the good days outweigh the bad, and that we treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we give to those around us.
3. Wash your face every night. Moisturize daily. It doesn’t matter how tired you are.
4. It’s so cool to be kind.
5. Drink water. a lot! (if you can reusable bottle Because the earth depends on it. )
6. Traveling with a sports bra instead of underwire is a huge upgrade. I literally can’t believe how many cross-country flights I’ve done.
7. Work doesn’t have to be your whole life. It can and hopefully be a fulfilling part of your life, but it doesn’t have to be your entire life.
8. Not all doctors are perfectly competent when it comes to fat/weird/“other” bodies. Hmmm, that’s not fair and it sucks.
9. Without going into the whole stream of consciousness about the power of gratitude, I can say that meditation has changed my life and the way I look at most things. Anything is fine. (If you need help getting started, I’m a fan of happy not perfect app).
10. Okay, but also with gratitude: Start or end each day with a list of things you are grateful for. Even if you like it in your head. Or by text. Or yell at your dog.
11. Put down the phone. You won’t miss a lot of what’s going on there. You might miss a lot of things happening around you in real life. On the flip side of the same thing, try not to judge others who have trouble putting their phones down. They may have reasons, just like you.
12. Grief is not just an event. Also, it sucks a lot. But it comes and goes in waves, hitting when you least or least expect it. The best thing I’ve learned is to be kind and patient with yourself.
13. A heartbreak, like grief, is not a one-time event. As I did, many times in a romantic relationship or friendship, you will come across coveted shoes. Half a size too small (we’ve all been there, right?
14. …and it passes. and you will be cured. And you’ll know when to move on.
15. Get a good shit when it comes to olive oil.
16. Other places worth buying: Mattresses, sushi, tequila (hangover less and a must-have for your 20s and beyond), bra.
17. Self-care comes in many forms, but it’s not just bubble baths and sheet masks. Create a list. Say no to things. Create a budget Open the pile of emails you’ve been avoiding for 30 minutes. All this and even self-care.
18. Exercise doesn’t have to be punitive and doesn’t have to be for weight loss! Yes, growing felt like punishment, but getting my workouts back actually feels really good The most amazing thing for me is that I love spinning and barre classes. and Pilates. What’s your favorite GOOP-approved workout for TriBeCa-mom?
19. Your relationship status doesn’t have to define you. It doesn’t determine your worth, your worth, or your desirability.
20. Asking for help is really hard, but I wish I could have done it sooner. Self-sufficiency and independence was something I wore with pride…but it was to protect myself, lessen the burden on others, and avoid being hurt or disappointed in others. Learning to assess my needs and seek help has changed and saved my life.
21. Having standards is not a barrier to intimacy, but it is to people who are not related to you. This is good.
22. When things feel so good, don’t feel the need to go looking for the bad in them. Some things are actually that good.
23. It doesn’t have to last forever.
24. A lot of growth happens when you take a leap of faith, whether it’s in business, in relationships, or in life’s most tumultuous moments. Moments of vulnerability, tension, and fear may be part of the growing pains of creating something truly extraordinary.
25. Boundaries are powerful.
26. Given a choice, choose happiness. Interpret this however you like.
27. There are many things I don’t know. Let go of your ego and open your heart to accept opportunities to learn and grow.
28. Wear a bikini. go to the sea. Turns out you don’t actually hate it.. you’re just sure it’s because you’re scared of bikinis. please give me.
29. Inevitably disappoint or hurt someone. that’s okay. you will survive Hopefully they will too. Take responsibility, apologize, learn, and move on.
30. Pop music is fun and cool, and it doesn’t matter who likes it.
31. Do you know what else is cool??? ! ! Abandon!
32. When you feel sad, anxious, or irritated, go back to #5. Then re-evaluate.
33. You are a work in progress. keep evolving.